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I’ll Take The Necrosis, Please!

Each of my last two brain MRI scans indicated some small growth in one of my brain tumor sites. Thankfully, the encroaching Emperor’s orc breeding ground is not the tumor site that has been wreaking havoc on my right leg for 6 years. I’ll have much more to say about my leg fiasco in a subsequent rage-post.

Because of the two successive growths, my neurosurgeon ordered a PET/CT scan of my brain to determine if the tumor tissue had resumed its inexorable growth, or whether the tissue expansion is from radiation-induced necrosis. He said he suspected the tissue to be cancerous because of the images he saw via the MRIs.

PET/CT scans measure how much “sugar” is being consumed in various parts of the body. Ravenous tumors show up as bright areas on the scan where there shouldn’t be any. Here is the report from my scan….

Thankfully, my neurosurgeon’s instinct was wrong in this case. The cause of growth was due to radiation-induced necrosis, not because of the Orc army’s continuous murderous assaults on my physical being, i.e., tumor growth. Hallelujer for necrosis!

Even though the brute-force Orc battalions are being continuously beaten back by my trusty Opdivo infusions, the dastardly clever EOAM is always diligently working upstairs, in the abstract, ensuring to insert plenty of heavy, negative, fearful, anxious thoughts in my mind whenever he can. Fortunately, reading the PET/CT scan report cleaned house upstairs and allowed lighter, more positive, hopeful thoughts to fill the void in my mind.

Categories: Cancer

The Resolute Desk

July 14, 2022 2 comments

Dear OnlyFans, checkout BD00’s resolute desk below. Ok, it’s not a resolute desk. It’s a simple end table with a lot of schitt on it. The desk, along with my new, Osaki massage chair, will be cremated with me when the Emperor wins the final battle.

For those interested in WTF all those things crammed onto the desktop are, here you go…

Categories: Cancer

Why No Bitcoin Moon?

Anybody who knows me knows that I’m a Bitcoin whacko. I’m a true “maximalist” who won’t shut up once I start preaching about the arguably most important discovery in human history since fire. But I must admit, the latest price crash from $70k —> $16k was a mind-numbing whopper that nobody, and I mean nobody, famous in the space saw coming. Oh sure, the on-chain analysts and technicians always mention that crashes should be expected from time to time from the juvenile, highly volatile, asset class. Until the crash, technical data showed price volatility decreasing with Bitcoin’s increasing age as more people shed their fear of it and slowly learned of its huge, impending, worldwide importance.

I experienced the $20k —> $3k crash back in 2017, but that crash wasn’t as puzzling or scary as this one. That crash was from irrational exuberance, and Bitcoin was still under the radar of the establishment big guns.

The biggest contributor to the crash of 22 was due to Bitcoin being (wrongly) valuated by the market as a risk-on asset like a tech company with a high “P” but no “E”, as opposed to the risk-off asset it truly embodies, like gold or other commodities. And of course, another contributor to the crash was that a bunch centralized schittcoins scams and fake crypto banks got (and are still getting) rekt; bringing down the whole craptoverse and the honorable Bitcoin with them.

Besides the crash, which is explainable, there’s one other thing that troubles me. It’s about the slow uptake of Bitcoin around the world in these unprecedented inflationary times. This eye-popping inflation chart from economist Steve Henke shows how badly the corrupt and incompetent governments of nations around the world are debasing their currencies.

Are people who are lucky enough to earn more than they spend in these countries “stacking sats“? Why wouldn’t they exchange their excess fiat income into Bitcoin ASAP so it doesn’t lose half its value virtually overnight? There are a lot of countries in that table, so there’s got to be a lot of fiat value capable of jumping out of fiat hell and into Bitcoin paradise. I conclude that if people were moving value into Bitcoin en-masse in these inflation-battered nations, then the crash maybe wouldn’t have happened at all and we’d be halfway to the moon by now.

But wait, it gets worse! As the chart below shows, virtually every country on earth has been printing fiat like maniacs, even the so-called advanced countries – the enemy is us! This could portend a large wall of value flowing into Bitcoin and a giant pop in price soon if everyone personally experiences the Bitcoin epiphany simultaneously, out of desperation from watching in horror as their wealth melts away. It could be like Ray Kurzweil’s Singularity.

Via continuing education, I think the world will eventually realize Bitcoin’s role as the greatest Store Of Value technology ever discovered. It’s just gonna take longer than I would expect because of all the headwinds going against it, or maybe it won’t. I don’t know schitt.

Categories: Cancer

The Stank Of Scanxiety

With the usual stank of scanxiety in the air, I underwent my tri-monthly brain MRI scan yesterday.

The resulting reconnaissance images of the bloodied battlefield showed that one of the EOAM‘s Orc armies seems to have grown after a long, four-year (!!!!) hiatus.

The good news is that there were no new tumors detected on the battlefield; and the other three Orc cancer fortresses have remained quasi-quiescent in their respective puddles of edema due to the monthly, $25k, immunotherapy whuppin’s they’ve been gettin’.

Because of this new, but not-so-surprising development, a CT/PET scan of my brain is currently being scheduled in order for my generalissimo neurosurgeon to get a high resolution look at what those fugly Orcs are doing. My trusted Cyberknife friend will probably have to be deployed yet again to burn those feckers back into their hellholes. If not, it’s either brain surgery or hospice….. just kidding. I have no idea what will happen next until it happens. lol, let’s rock!

Categories: Cancer Tags:

A New Weapon

April 23, 2022 Leave a comment

I added a new doctor to my weapons cache in the ongoing death-match with the Emperor Of All Maladies. After getting a referral from my oncologist, I went to a neurologist for a consultation regarding the havoc my rebellious right leg is wreaking upon me due to the onslaught of the Emperor’s Orc army. I was curious to see if my newest Sun Tzu recruit could help blunt the progressive nerve deterioration I’ve been sensing along my entire leg (and feet).

As I arrived for my appointment, I quickly discovered that the beloved Bitcoin Vandal had preceded me. I find it Interesting how the BV has the same neurologist as BD00.

I’m very fond of my brilliant oncologist and neurosurgeon dynamic duo because they have taken good care of me for the past six (!!!!!) years, scanning and monitoring the locations, movements, and strength of the Emperor’s orc armies. It’s understandable that the spastic/twitching/quivering nerves and tight/fatigued/crampy muscles that have been plaguing me extra hard for the past few months are outside their areas of expertise. While not suffering in outright pain, it’s a continuous feeling of discomfort stuck somewhere in purgatory outside of the realm of the famously debated 1 -10 pain scale. Mentally, the agitating cacophony of physical sensations is constantly hijacking my awareness away from the sacred “now” and projecting it into a fabricated thought-storm of frightening “wheelchair” scenarios.

I actually didn’t meet with the neurologist during the visit. I was examined by his delightful LPA, Rose. We conversed for 45 minutes while she worked me over with all kinds of nerve-diagnostic gizmos that Q would be envious of. She was pushing, pulling, tapping, and poking all over the battlefield that is my right leg (and feet). Then, out of nowhere, in a Larry David moment, she stated that my calves were much bigger than my ankles. She paused and looked up at me as if I was supposed to know why. I frowned, shrugged, laughed, and asked her what the right proportion should be. She laughed, then I asked her if she was flirting with me, and then we both laughed at the absurdity of such a statement.

As Rose continued to examine my neurological state, she noticed the twitching frenzy going on just under my skin, and up and down my entire leg. I told her it feels tight, fatigued, crampy, and vibrating all at the same time (from Orc-hijacked nerves randomly misfiring and zapping the schitt out of my muscles?). She also noticed some twitches up and down my right arm. That was surprising to me because the arm feels fine and I’ve never had issues with it other than the occasional, chemo-induced, fingertip-numbness flareup. Oh, and also when I kept annoyingly dropping a notebook I was holding when I had a small stroke in 2019.

During our convo, we talked about the meds I’ve been taking to alleviate the symptoms from my nerve distress (gabapentin, alpha lipoic acid, B12, “ganja”). I also mentioned that I take klonopin occasionally for anxiety/sleep and I thought I noticed a positive correlation between the much-abused controlled substance and symptom alleviation. I wasn’t sure of the correlation because I don’t take it often and I couldn’t remember if I did so during bad flareups. Rose perked up and immediately said there absolutely was a positive correlation because klonopin serves as a muscle relaxant in addition to providing anti-seizure and anti-anxiety therapeutic effects. She then advised me to start taking a low dose daily.

I was both happy and sad when I heard Rose’s recommendation. I was happy because it’s just a dosage bump and not another new med to add to my drug cabinet. I was sad for two reasons:

1) I, the omniscient know-it-all, should’ve deduced that the klonopin-relief linkage made sense and thought of trying it daily months ago, Duh! Maybe I didn’t make the connection because of the threat of benzo-addiction loitering in the back of my mind, which is funny since I’m a stage 4 cancer patient and I shouldn’t give a schitt about addiction at this point. 😂🤣

2) I thought my neurosurgeon’s nurse (whom I also appreciate very much) should have suggested the bump in klonopin dosage to me years ago – since I’ve been whining about progressive neurologic problems at every MRI follow up since the beginning of time.

In addition to the suggested change in klonopin dosage, Rose ordered a 2 hour, full body MRI (in late May) to see if there’s a separate structural issue with my neck that may be causing or contributing to my chronic discomfort. I’ve never had the slightest neck problem before, but since she saw the same twitchy symptoms in my arm as the leg, she wants to cover that base.

So, that’s the latest update from the battlefront in my existential war with the fucker that is… the Emperor Of All Maladies.

Categories: Cancer

A Six Year Journey

February 1, 2022 2 comments

As my astonishingly stunning, six-year, cancer-versary approaches, I decided to whip up a simple timeline of what has happened over those joyously wonderful, but radically different, years.

To underemphasize the long gone past and emphasize recent events, there’s a huge, non-linear compression of time on the boring left side of the X-axis. The segment in the timeline after the “I’m Very Scared” admission to the “Now” declaration has taken place over the last 4 -6 weeks.

My previous post described in detail what made me start feeling very (feckin’) scared. It was the Emperor’s formidable power to insidiously inject ominous thoughts into my consciousness whenever he wants. I often fancied I was on final descent and destined for a world of pain in the near future. The steroids then kicked in and a quantum leap in my mental/physical health magically occurred. Hallelujer!

The cherry on top of my Lazarus-like experience was the MRI scan follow up with my neurosurgeon, which happened today. Good News: There are no new growths and no progression of existing tumors. Bad news: Those pesky, relentless, chronic, hemorrhaging, lesions are still working their asses off for the Emperor Of All Maladies.

Categories: Cancer

The Last Mile?

January 26, 2022 1 comment

Something doesn’t feel right. A familiar group of brain-tumor-sourced symptoms have joined hands, synchronized with one another, and ganged up on me yet again as expected when you have a terminal cancer diagnosis. My DHS (Daily Health Score) has been a big “goose egg” for 4 days in a row and I haven’t taken a shower in the last 3 of those low motion days. Whenever I get up and start walking, my entire right leg tightens, gets fatigued, crampy, numb, and vibrationally “hot”. In addition to the leg symptoms, my ears are “popping” often, I’m “woozy” all the time, and the ringing in my head has stepped up its volume. Yes, it feels like all those things are happening at the same time.

Because of the well-known cancer woes I just whined about above, I sent this S.O.S. message to my neurosurgeon’s office:

I will update this post when I hear back from the doctor’s office. In the meantime, I have my 46th Opdivo immunotherapy infusion today at 2. My goal for today is to take a shower today before going to the infusion. Quite a lofty goal, no?

UPDATE Jan 27, 2022: I started the steroid regimen and my MRI has been moved up a week. 👍

Categories: Cancer

The Dreaded SDFFR Acronym

January 11, 2022 1 comment

After being out of sorts for a bit, I’m back bloggin’ again cuz ya never know when the fit is gonna hit the shan. So, here’s a simple state machine model of BD00’s daily goal seeking behavior. The goal is to sequentially enter/exit each health-advancing state without experiencing an SDFFR event that triggers an early exit with a suboptimal daily physical health score (less than 3).

Here’s a scary graph of my dhs over the last several days.

Coming off of 3 straight 0 dhs scores due to SDFFR events precipitated by the Emperor, I was feeling really stressed about logging yet another goose egg day. But, as you can tell from the trace below, I thwarted the Emperor’s latest plan with a perfect Korbut 3. Today was a good day, a really good day.

Before exiting, I want to share some more recent Bitcoin Vandal crime scenes with you. The Emperor hates the Bitcoin Vandal too. He’s deployed his Orcs out in the field to hunt down the scoundrel.

Categories: bitcoin, Cancer Tags:

My Cousin, Father, Two Cats, And Now, Morrie

December 22, 2021 8 comments

I was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 cancer in 2016. Since then, I’ve lost a cousin the same age as me, my father, two cats, and now, just this morning, our beloved son, Morrie. Morrie was diagnosed in February with tumors in his lungs and prostate put there by the fucking Emperor Of All Maladies. Until about a week ago, his health was gradually declining. The Emperor then abruptly decided to speed up the process and take him away from us. That FUCKING FUCKER!

Here is the last picture I took of our sweet, sweet, labradoodle, Morrie.

We were at the vet’s this morning waiting for the doctor to come in and start the gut-wrenching farewell process when our dear Morrie gently put his paw on Mary’s forearm. Upon seeing this, a deeply disturbing shiver ran up my spine and I popped up to take the last picture of the greatest joy in our lives. Then, I spontaneously lost it and started crying my eyes out at the impending reality of losing the loving companionship from such a beautiful creature.

I’m humbled and forever grateful to have been gifted our beautiful boy. RIP, dear, dear, dear, dear, Morrie.

Categories: Cancer

Delicious Organ Meats

December 21, 2021 Leave a comment

The results of BD00’s latest chest, abdomen, and Pelvis CT scans are in. In keeping with the Randy Pausch doctrine of tracking and openly writing about his war with the Emperor Of All Maladies, here is the latest status of BD00’s delicious organ meats.

Compared to the “heterogeneously enhancing, hemorrhaging lesions” indicated on his most recent brain MRI, BD00 would say that his organ meats below the neck look like delectably delicious additions to a Christmas meal Dahmer and Hannibal Lecter would duel to the death over!

Categories: Cancer Tags: ,
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