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Cranio Crawdad

January 18, 2021 3 comments

In the interest of ongoing full disclosure (lol), here’s the report from my latest brain MRI performed on 1/12/21:

I’m waaaaaay past the point of being intimidated by all the med-speak, but “craniocaudad” did catch my eye as a funny new word. I pronounced it as “cranio-crawdad” as I read it and laughed out loud as memories of eating real crawdads and drinking hurricanes at Mardi Gras flooded my tumor-tinted brain. I laughed again as I googled it and learned that it was spelled wrong. Its correct spelling is “craniocaudal” and it describes a dimension in a 3D coordinate system whose origin is anchored to the skull somewhere.

The MRI follow up with my neurosurgeon took place an hour after the scan. It occurred in my car outside the doctor’s office, which is in the building right next door to the MRI place. Don’t be silly, the doctor didn’t walk out to the car and give me the news from the passenger seat. He wanted me to be easily accessible in case the MRI showed something ominous and he needed to physically examine me.

We held an iPhone telemedicine session and as soon as his face came online he said my favorite meditation mantra: “it looks exactly like the last scan“. And with that, we were done after 5 more minutes of exchanging pleasantries.

Whew! I’ve been gifted yet another three month reprieve from being consumed by scary thoughts of being cyberknifed again or having my skull drilled open to excise some emperor turds. Onward to next month’s chest/abdomen/pelvis CT scan.

Categories: Cancer Tags:

An Exercise For The Student

January 4, 2021 Leave a comment

I’m gonna take a break from being a wild-eyed Bitcoin advocate to make stuff up again. Actually, most of my Bitcoin stuff is made up stuff too. Can you tell which stuff is?

With that preface in mind, please behold this made up graph:

As an exercise for the student, please printout the following template, fill it in, and then throw it away.

Categories: Cancer

An Adoring Legacy

December 15, 2020 4 comments

As I stated in a previous post, one of the goals I’d like to accomplish before being violently escorted off the stage by the dastardly EOAM is to help family, friends, and readers become rich. Well, um, perhaps? This is another post intended to nudge my homies in that direction with the aid of…….. Bitcoin, once again.

The figure below shows the generic S-curve template that accurately models successful new technology adoption. As the new technology (think Bitcoin) gains traction and steals market share from an older, noble but inferior technology (think gold), the early adopters/investors reap the most benefits and the laggards (think stubborn goldbugs like Peter “cuff links” Schiff), the least. It makes sense in a capitalist society that the early risk-takers with more skin in the game are highly rewarded. They have a higher risk of getting rekt if the technology fails to gain traction, never makes it past the “knee” of the S-curve, and returns to the big goose egg.

The next figure shows many specific examples of successful technology adoptions. They all follow the classic S-curve template but the time interval from early-to-laggard acceptance varies quite a bit. It took the telephone 60 years to achieve 80% penetration into the home whereas it took the microwave only 15 years to achieve the same encroachment. The steeper the slope past the knee of the curve, the greater the reward is over a shorter amount of time. The ideal slope is infinity, “…to the moon Alice”.

Yet another graph below shows the latest brazen attempt by the insecure BD00 to look bigly smart. He’s overlaid the current Bitcoin market position on its S-curve assault on the gold market.

So, how did the fake genius BD00 concoct the 3.5% market penetration position? Follow the assumptions, check out the result, and make sure you kindly read the blue note:

To be even more delusionally obsessed, let’s take a look at the approximate market caps for some major monetary asset classes:

If you believe the new kid in town, that Bastard-Bitcoin-Badger, can nestle in with this elitist cartel and gouge out trillions of inflated value as a hedge against a major collapse of these fiat-based assets, then its market value may climb to $50T+, which would jack the Bitcoin price up to $2.85M/BTC. <— WTF?

For reference, let’s look at what my man, god’s third son after Jesus and Satoshi, PlanB, forecasts in his elegant S2FX model below. He’s got BTC cutting the cord at $1M and stepping up just after the next “halvening” occurs in 2024.

That’s enough cray cray for this post, and don’t forget that….

Oh, and there’s just one more thing. I felt the need to rage about this abomination…..

Categories: Cancer Tags: ,

The Spock Line

December 10, 2020 3 comments

I most likely now have fewer positive thoughts than You. I most likely now have many more negative thoughts than You. I most likely now cross the Spock line at a much higher frequency than you. I now experience an indescribably horrid, shivering, existential crisis from 8-10 AM on an almost daily basis. I now know why they started asking questions about depression on each visit to the cancer center.

That’s it, that’s the post.

Categories: Cancer Tags:

Badass Baked Bulldozer

December 2, 2020 2 comments

I staggered with new swagger this morning into my home-away-from-home, the Hematology-Oncology-Associates cancer treatment center. My new swagger is a stylish black mask brandishing a big fat Bitcoin logo covering my schnoz and pie hole.

At the check-in desk I was asked what the “B” meant. I said “badass”. She chuckled. On my way to plop my ass down in a comfy chemo chair I was asked again what the “B” meant. I said “baked” (which I was). Two people chuckled. While in the chair getting juiced with my savior, Opdivo, a third person asked me what the “B” was. I said “bulldozer zero zero”. She asked why the “zero zero”. I said “bulldozer” and “bulldozer zero” were already taken. She chuckled. On my way out yet another person asked what the “B” meant. I answered “badass baked bulldozer” and he looked at me like I was nutz, which I am. I don’t know why I shared this, but I did.

Categories: Cancer Tags:

An Uncorrelated Asset

November 22, 2020 6 comments

Bitcoin is on yet another volatile, but upward, trajectory. My friends and family insufferably know that I’m a bitcoin champion because of my incessant preaching to them about the virtues of personally-secure money. They also know I’m a long time lover-of-bitcoin, not a skanky shitcoin shill who popped up out of nowhere overnight.

BD00 In Vietnam Tryin’ to out-love the “me so hawny”chick.

I’ve seen smart people describe bitcoin as an “uncorrelated” asset for quite some time now. Until very recently I thought it strange of them to say that. I look up the price of BTC daily and it seems qualitatively clear to me that bitcoin is positively correlated to the S&P 500 index. Every time the index goes up, BTC seems to go up. Every time the index goes down, BTC goes down.

Fidelity Research helped me understand why calling bitcoin an “uncorrelated” asset is quantitatively correct. The effort of Ria Bhutoria (Director of Research at Fidelity Digital Assets) dotted an “i” and crossed a “t” in my previously infallible mental model of the emerging role of bitcoin in the world. I snipped the following elegant table from her latest thesis (“Bitcoin’s Role As An Alternative Asset“) to record the correlation coefficients between the top financial assets in the world.

The first column clearly shows that bitcoin, like honey badger, don’t care about what other assets do. Unlike any of the other listed assets, none of bitcoin’s correlation coefficients cross the .2 threshold. Interestingly, bitcoin is less correlated to its biggest competitor, gold, than it is to stocks.

An uncorrelated asset like bitcoin is the best hedge against a global financial system crash that deflates the value of all other assets except for, perhaps, gold. But there’s no need to worry about that, right?

Honey Badger Don’t Give A Fuck!

Categories: Cancer Tags: ,

The Thing

November 12, 2020 4 comments

At last month’s MRI follow up with my neurosurgeon, my sky high stress level was instantaneously deflated when he said “no change“. Specifically, there was no progression or regression in the sizes of those three fugly tumors in my brain.

Since I knew at the time that my next chest/abdomen/pelvis CT scan was scheduled for this month, my stress levels started ramping up once again in a parabolic frenzy (just like Bitcoin’s price action). 🙂

This morning I had the follow up with my primary oncologist to review the results of the CT scan I had yesterday. My stress level was instantaneously deflated once again when he said “no change” just like my neurosurgeon did last month. Also, similarly, there was no progression or regression in the sizes of the four fugly tumors in my right lung. 

The Emperor Of All Maladies hates the phrase “no change“. That means his blood thirsty orc soldiers are still being held at bay by my ex$pen$ive  savior, Opdivo.

My beloved wonder drug has also kept the EOAM frozen in a virtual block of ice like that monstrous abomination in John Carpenter’s “The Thing“.

So, all is well inside my mind for now my dear readers. My stress level has returned to its baseline value of “phew!”, and the slope of my stress-vs-time curve has been reset to zero. It’s time for the groundhog day cycle to restart: wash, rinse, repeat.

Categories: Cancer

A Double Dose Of Joy

November 7, 2020 2 comments

Today is a great day! To celebrate another glorious 24 hours above ground, I’ve prepped a mid afternoon snack for Morrie and me. A pair of tasty pork rinds for my beautiful boy and a double dose of anti-anxiety meds for dad.

Categories: Cancer Tags: ,

Port, Package, And Handles

October 29, 2020 Leave a comment

The “body” functionality of the Amazon Halo fitness band is its creepiest and most personally invasive feature. It beats the “tone” feature (which BD00 calls the “asshole detector”) hands down in the goose bumps department.

To use the “body” feature’s “are you a fat ass?” assessment tool, you must take four selfies: front, back, left profile, and right profile. For the Halo assessor to do an accurate analysis, you should ideally get buck naked and expose all of your junk. The results are then shown on a “fat ass” scale ranging from “cancer toothpick” to “huge fat ass”.

Halo’s user guide boasts that the “body” feature’s photo processing algorithm produces percent body fat results that are twice as accurate as a home smart scale.

To give you more insight into what Halo’s built in pervert wants to see and the results it generates, I present to you BD00’s most recent frontal selfie in all its glory:

Notice that, to be polite, Halo doesn’t label the segments on the “fat ass” scale with descriptive text.

The result shows that Halo has judged me to be, in BD00’s proprietary terminology, a “fat ass”. Well hey, at least I’m not a “huge fat ass”, and I doubt I’ll ever become one. That’s because the emperor has involuntarily forced me onto his EOAM death diet until my expiration date arrives.

Here’s a morbid closing thought for preponderance: Halo gives me the power to track my impending journey toward the “cancer toothpick” edge of the scale as long as I’m physically able to periodically take the four selfie prerequisites. It reminds me of the Christian Bale character’s transformation in “The Machinist”, except that he doesn’t have stage 4 lung cancer.

Categories: Cancer Tags: , ,

A Temporary Reprieve

October 19, 2020 1 comment

Here I go again. It’s scan-fuckin’-xiety time. I have my tri-monthly brain MRI and neurosurgeon follow up appointment tomorrow. I concocted the following feel-good graphic to take my mind off of this upcoming traumatic event.

 

The tactic worked for about a half hour. Now I’m stuck back in the psychological thought storm of worrying about how I’ll feel when I leave the doctor’s office. 😦

 

Categories: Cancer
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