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The Third Thing

September 13, 2020 2 comments

There are 3 things I’d like to accomplish before the emperor drags me off to the bespoke tailor shop to get fitted for my dirt suit.

 

Here are those 3 things:

  1. Ensure that my wife doesn’t have to worry about finances for the rest of her days.
  2. Tell a joke in the seconds preceding the exact moment at which the universal life force ceases to animate my mind and body.
  3. Help my readers get rich so that they’ll remember me long after I’m used as a body double on “Weekend At Bernie’s 2“.

 

 

After 40 years of diligently saving and investing (instead of recklessly borrowing and spending), I’m pretty confident that I’ve got thing number 1 covered. Regarding thing number 2, there’s not much I can do until D-Day arrives other than picking out an appropriate, short, one-liner joke and memorizing it. Got any suggestions for my death bed joke? 🙂 The fewer the words the better. Please post it in the comments section.

This post is an attempt to address thing number 3. As you might have guessed, the content has to do with the greatest financial innovation of all time, Bitcoin. Bitcoin is the first unforgeable, fixed-supply, digital commodity that the world has ever seen. Only 21 million Bitcoin will ever be mined from the magical unknown. Approximately 18M of those Bitcoin have already been unearthed to date and the last Bitcoin will be electronically hatched in the year 2140.

According to PlanB’s Stock-2-Flow (S2F) model, Bitcoin’s price will cross the $250K threshold sometime within the next 4 years and violently oscillate around it until the next halving event sometime in 2024. With the current price at approximately $10K, that’s a monstrous 25X return in 4 years.

Of course, S2F is only a model and it might be wrong. However, as you can see from the graph below, eleven years of real Bitcoin price data (colored points) fit the S2F model (discontinuous white line) pretty snugly.

 

The total market value of Bitcoin is currently close to $200B. However, to achieve a 25X return, the market capitalization needs to rise to $5T. WTF!!!!!!! For reference, the total market capitalization of gold is around $10T.

One of the most common questions people ask about the outrageously optimistic S2F model is

Where the hell is the additional $4.8T in market cap gonna come from?

The figure below shows the types of current and future Bitcoin investors along with their entry points on the parabolic road toward a $5T valuation.

 

At first, only hardcore computer geeks owned and transacted in Bitcoin in 2009. Next, more and more individual retail investors arrived on the scene and propelled the market cap to the $200B where we are now. The big money will come from “woke” institutional investors who discover how perfectly Bitcoin serves as a coveted store of value monetary asset. The humongous money will come from forward-thinking government treasuries that supplement their gold reserves with Bitcoin as another hedge against severe economic distress.

Evidence is trickling in showing that some big institutional investment firms and hedge funds are either prepping to buy, or are buying, Bitcoin. Here is a sample of these woke institutions:

 

So, there it is. It’s my latest attempt to accomplish goal number 3 by nudging readers to invest in bitcoin as the world’s next greatest store of value.

Categories: bitcoin, Cancer

Tracking Trends

August 31, 2020 Leave a comment

In preparation for future skyrocketing and skydiving Bitcoin price trends, I’ve purchased a cute little WiFi crypto ticker device from Etsy.com. I can now track the wild, bucking bronco cryptocurrency in near real-time without having to pick up my phone or computer.

 

As you can see from my artfully staged photo shoot above, I’ve strategically placed my ticker tape device on my “convalescent” table. It sits surrounded by my wrist blood pressure meter, my Australian Dream topical foot cream, my synthroid/gabapentin meds, my ceiling fan control, and my beloved Glide dental floss. What more could a stage 4 cancer patient want?

The only problem is that the damn thing doesn’t fuckin’ work!

 

Categories: bitcoin

Dog Poop-Like Substance

August 25, 2020 Leave a comment

I try to walk, or more like, waddle, around the block every day. On those days when I feel too lightheaded, and/or my right leg feels like I’m dragging around a 200 lb cement post attached to my hip, and/or my feet feel like they’re on fire, I decide not to attempt the penguin march. I never thought I’d be saying this at my young age, but I don’t want to risk a fall and an associated trip to the dreaded, high cost, high latency, emergency room.

Since today was one of those no-waddle days, I decided to infuse some coconut oil with some cannabis flower. When I finished my wicked act of alchemy, I didn’t throw the plant residue away like I usually do. I had recently read somewhere that the leftover dog poop-like substance is still rich with cannabinoids.

As the pic below shows, the quick thinking innovator in me decided to stir the pile o’ poop into a big cup of coffee. After I finished the slightly-sandy, yet nutty-tasting, coffee, it occurred to me to write this post in real-time to capture the experience for all eternity. 🙂

 

Categories: Cancer, Cannabis

Good, Bad, Death, No More

August 19, 2020 1 comment

Some unknown force is always playing ping-pong inside our heads. During normal times, we continuously bounce back and forth between having good thoughts and bad thoughts. Unless something is really wrong in our life, “death” thoughts rarely appear in our consciousness.

When super lucky people like me are diagnosed with stage 4, metastatic cancer, death thoughts begin popping up as peers to the good and bad thoughts. As the disease progresses to the point of no return, the good thoughts start getting crowded out of mind. Consciousness becomes fully occupied with the bad thoughts and death thoughts. Next in the progression, the bad thoughts start getting pushed out of the cranium by the death thoughts. As time continues its relentless march forward, the big, badass, death thoughts start monopolizing the mind until, well, you know the rest of the story….

Of course, long time blog followers know that Bulldozer00 likes to make shit up.

Thus, here’s an alternative, uplifting view of what happens during the journey into no-more-thoughts land…

 

Categories: Cancer

States Of Care

Oooh look, another state transition diagram…

The diagram defines: three states of cancer care, the transitions between them, and the events that trigger those transitions.

Let’s start at the top of the diagram. An unfortunate soul receives a cancer diagnosis, D’oh! If it’s stage IV, it’s not curable and the patient starts receiving palliative care treatments. Surgery, radiation, and chemo are deployed against the Emperor-Of-All-Maladies (EOAM) as the disease progresses. At some unknown time later, the emperor’s legions (aka lesions) overwhelm the patient’s defenses and the transition to hospice care is triggered. Everyone knows what state transition occurs after hospice care has run its course….. Yikes!

If the diagnosis is not stage IV, the cancer may be curable. The cure is most likely surgery that excises the emperor’s growing, but still highly localized, forces. The patient escapes the cancer care death star and all becomes well. If the emperor’s army is victorious over the curative assault waves, then the palliative care state is entered and hospice care looms down the road.

As far as I know (which isn’t very far), once the patient is inside the cancer care death star, and the curative care turns out to be unsuccessful, he is on a one way trip to the dirt suit tailor shop. There are no reverse transitions from the hospice care state back to the palliative or curative states of care. The emperor forbids them!

 

P.S. Thank you Craig for the “dirt suit” tip. I couldn’t wait to write it into a post, and I can’t wait to use it again. Ahhh, the smell of fresh soil in the morning. 🙂

Categories: Cancer

Today’s Dashboard

July 20, 2020 2 comments

In remembrance of the infamous, tri-state, bozo-meter that I concocted from my dark, angst-filled, past…

….I present to you two brand new analog metering devices (patent pending) to employ in my anxiety-filled present and for my terror-filled future: the Pain-ometer and the Numb-ometer.

The readings correctly registered the status of my feet and right leg as I wrote this inane post.

I reserve the right to design, patent, and implement more “ometer” sensors in the future as the need arises. Licensing requests are welcome and I’ll be taking pre-orders on Amazon in the near future. Mugs, hats, and T-shirt orders will be available on Etsy as soon as I can get my Shopify e-store up and running.

Categories: Cancer

Another Toothpick

July 13, 2020 2 comments

A while back, I mustered up enough courage to ask my oncologist how a typical cancer patient of his dies. After a compassionate pause, he thoughtfully answered my question in terms of an input/output problem. Basically, he said that when a patient’s caloric input becomes insufficient (for whatever deadly reason) to produce enough (output) nourishment for the bones, tissues, muscles, and organs that manifest the functionality of all our bodily functions, the end is not too far off. 😦

My onc’s response instantly reminded me of the Soprano’s season 3 episode titled “Another Toothpick“. In that episode, after scumbag Tony Soprano’s dirtbag uncle Junior was freshly diagnosed with stomach cancer, Janus, Tony’s skank sister, commented that Livia, Tony’s deceased, psychotic mother, often described a person who was dying from cancer as just “another toothpick.” Phew, did I get all the dysfunctional familial relationships right?

Currently, I weigh about 210 pounds. My pre-cancer baseline weight was a steady, 220 pounds of sculpted beefcake. Due to treatments, I’ve bounced around between 225 and 200 pounds. So, what would I look like if I morphed into just another toothpick? Hmm…

I need to think of another scary question to ask my onc. Maybe the answer he gives can serve as fodder for another blog post like this. Got any ideas?

Categories: Cancer Tags: ,

The Scanxiety Cycle

I’ve used the beloved word several times before, but this is the first time I put it in the title of a post:

Scanxiety

Every stage 4 cancer patient gets to experience the infamous scanxiety cycle. It’s also known among the elites as the “periodic parabolic fever“, with the periodicity nominally being 3 months between CT scans. Rather than try to explain this natural phenomena in a bumbling word salad, I’m going to present my understanding of the meaning of scanxiety in the form of one of my dorky, 20th century, graphics:

Before the terminal diagnosis, the baseline anxiety level of a cancer patient is somewhere between the  “No Fear” level and the “Nervous” level. Somewhat shortly (sometimes as short as a picosecond) after the devilish diagnosis is bequeathed upon the poor soul, this baseline anxiety level instantaneously leaps up to the “Scared Shitless!” level. The scanxiety cycle rollercoaster then jerks into action and the fun begins, until it ends, which it will.

Categories: Cancer Tags:

Randy Pausch

July 5, 2020 6 comments

Many people have asked me why I’m documenting my terminal cancer “adventure” in public. Actually, no one has asked me that because no one reads this blasphemous blawg. 🙂

Besides the innate propensity to keep my potty mouth spewing verbal diarrhea, the top reason I’m writing about my walk down the proverbial plank is Randy Pausch. Randy was a computer science professor at a well known engineering school, Carnegie Mellon University. He was a victim of pancreatic cancer who succumbed to the EOAM‘s evil forces in 2008 at the age of 47.

Before he died, Randy gave a truly inspirational lecture and wrote an equally inspiring NYT best-selling book titled “The Last Lecture“. I didn’t have my cancer diagnosis back then, but I clearly remember watching his lecture (20 million views) and reading his profound, uplifting book. I can recall it so easily because I remember the hair on my neck (I have no hair on my head, and it’s not because of chemo) standing straight up and my spine tingling as I listened to, and read, his heartwarming words of wisdom.

Since Randy Pausch is one of my greatest heroes that I’ve never met, please consider exploring his work to make the world a brighter place by clicking on one of the links in this post. I guarantee you that his words, in spite of the serious subject matter, will bring you multiple tiny moments of joy as they infiltrate your being.

Categories: Cancer Tags:

Pssst! Ya Wanna Buy Some Dex?

It’s been widely reported in recent medical studies that dexamethasone is effective in the treatment of COVID-19. “Dex”, as I fondly call it in honor of my fave TV serial killer, Dexter Morgan, is a common, low-cost, steroid that suppresses inflammation in the body.

Having said that, do you wanna buy some black market dex? If so, then I’m your drug man. Ya see, I’ve been on and off dex ever since they found 3 metastatic brain tumors in my dirty brain over 3 years ago. I use dex to fight “flareups” in my brain where I get lightheaded and my off-kilter balance makes me feel like an unstable tower swaying in the wind. Strangely, when I’m feeling dizzy, it’s easier to walk than to stand still.

I’ve got dex in 4, 1, and .5 mg dosages for you. If you order before midnight tonight, I’ll give you a 10% discount and 5% off of future orders. I’ll even barter with you in exchange for cannabis edibles or bitcoin if you’re low on cash. 😜😂

Categories: Cancer
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