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The Last Mile?

January 26, 2022 1 comment

Something doesn’t feel right. A familiar group of brain-tumor-sourced symptoms have joined hands, synchronized with one another, and ganged up on me yet again as expected when you have a terminal cancer diagnosis. My DHS (Daily Health Score) has been a big “goose egg” for 4 days in a row and I haven’t taken a shower in the last 3 of those low motion days. Whenever I get up and start walking, my entire right leg tightens, gets fatigued, crampy, numb, and vibrationally “hot”. In addition to the leg symptoms, my ears are “popping” often, I’m “woozy” all the time, and the ringing in my head has stepped up its volume. Yes, it feels like all those things are happening at the same time.

Because of the well-known cancer woes I just whined about above, I sent this S.O.S. message to my neurosurgeon’s office:

I will update this post when I hear back from the doctor’s office. In the meantime, I have my 46th Opdivo immunotherapy infusion today at 2. My goal for today is to take a shower today before going to the infusion. Quite a lofty goal, no?

UPDATE Jan 27, 2022: I started the steroid regimen and my MRI has been moved up a week. 👍

Categories: Cancer

The Dreaded SDFFR Acronym

January 11, 2022 Leave a comment

After being out of sorts for a bit, I’m back bloggin’ again cuz ya never know when the fit is gonna hit the shan. So, here’s a simple state machine model of BD00’s daily goal seeking behavior. The goal is to sequentially enter/exit each health-advancing state without experiencing an SDFFR event that triggers an early exit with a suboptimal daily physical health score (less than 3).

Here’s a scary graph of my dhs over the last several days.

Coming off of 3 straight 0 dhs scores due to SDFFR events precipitated by the Emperor, I was feeling really stressed about logging yet another goose egg day. But, as you can tell from the trace below, I thwarted the Emperor’s latest plan with a perfect Korbut 3. Today was a good day, a really good day.

Before exiting, I want to share some more recent Bitcoin Vandal crime scenes with you. The Emperor hates the Bitcoin Vandal too. He’s deployed his Orcs out in the field to hunt down the scoundrel.

Categories: bitcoin, Cancer Tags:

My Cousin, Father, Two Cats, And Now, Morrie

December 22, 2021 8 comments

I was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 cancer in 2016. Since then, I’ve lost a cousin the same age as me, my father, two cats, and now, just this morning, our beloved son, Morrie. Morrie was diagnosed in February with tumors in his lungs and prostate put there by the fucking Emperor Of All Maladies. Until about a week ago, his health was gradually declining. The Emperor then abruptly decided to speed up the process and take him away from us. That FUCKING FUCKER!

Here is the last picture I took of our sweet, sweet, labradoodle, Morrie.

We were at the vet’s this morning waiting for the doctor to come in and start the gut-wrenching farewell process when our dear Morrie gently put his paw on Mary’s forearm. Upon seeing this, a deeply disturbing shiver ran up my spine and I popped up to take the last picture of the greatest joy in our lives. Then, I spontaneously lost it and started crying my eyes out at the impending reality of losing the loving companionship from such a beautiful creature.

I’m humbled and forever grateful to have been gifted our beautiful boy. RIP, dear, dear, dear, dear, Morrie.

Categories: Cancer

Delicious Organ Meats

December 21, 2021 Leave a comment

The results of BD00’s latest chest, abdomen, and Pelvis CT scans are in. In keeping with the Randy Pausch doctrine of tracking and openly writing about his war with the Emperor Of All Maladies, here is the latest status of BD00’s delicious organ meats.

Compared to the “heterogeneously enhancing, hemorrhaging lesions” indicated on his most recent brain MRI, BD00 would say that his organ meats below the neck look like delectably delicious additions to a Christmas meal Dahmer and Hannibal Lecter would duel to the death over!

Categories: Cancer Tags: ,

Bitcoin Vandals Out Of Control!

December 8, 2021 Leave a comment

Bitcoin vandalism has proliferated across the nation faster than you can say “omicron“.

Before the scourge turns into another world-wide pandemic threat to humanity, emergency congressional hearings have been scheduled to start tomorrow on capitol hill. In a stunning show of bipartisanship intended to emphasize how serious the problem is, Pelosi and McCarthy held hands at the press conference during the announcement of the unprecedented hearings. They pledged to coerce Jay Powell into cranking up the fiat printing presses from 9 to10. We’re totally fekked!

Categories: bitcoin

The Bitcoin Vandal

December 1, 2021 3 comments

I bought a pack of 50 cute Bitcoin stickers from Amazon. My grandiose exit plan is to market Bitcoin (don’t tell anyone, but I work in the Bitcoin Inc. marketing department) to humanity by defacing public and private property with these little gremlins before I go “tits up“. I used “tits up” here because when I used it in my previous post one of my dear readers said it made her breakout laughing. I love when that happens, and I hope that happens again.

I started my new criminal career as a Bitcoin vandalizer tout de suite by covertly planting a couple of my sweeties at my cancer infusion center today.

When management found out about the debasement of their property they called for a panic-stricken, hastily executed, lockdown. The police were also called to find, arrest, and prosecute the obscene vandalizer. When the lead detective strolled by looking for the perp, she walked right past me because I was incognito. They’ll be installing more surveillance cameras in 2022.

Oh, and before I go, I want to show off a beautiful, 3D printed, Bitcoin coaster that a longtime friend, whose coattails I luckily rode to financial security over decades, gave to me recently…

I put in a request to our VP director of marketing to fund a one time cache of 21 million of these swaggy collector items for free giveaways at malls. We’re also currently in negotiation with Debbie Gibson about doing a Bitcoin mall revival singing tour.

Categories: bitcoin

Global Wooziness

November 23, 2021 6 comments

I had my tri-monthly brain MRI scan last week. I scored 2 “goods” to the Emperor’s 1 “bad“.

The words “chronic hemorrhage” sound disturbingly like my death is imminent, courtesy of the sword of Damocles. The saving grace is that it’s not the first time those morbid words have appeared in one of my MRI reports. The initial shock and fear have worn off. Instead of shitting my pants, I now just say “meh” whenever I see those dastardly zingers, which is always, because they seem to appear in every MRI report. According to those reports the hemorrhaging never stops. But it must stop sometime, no? Wouldn’t my brain suffocate in a pool of blood? I guess not, because I’m still here.

At least the hemorrhaging is only chronic, not acute, and it’s only localized to each radioactive tumor site. It’s not a diffuse, “intracranial” hemorrhage, which I think would render me tits up in no time flat. It seems like there’s a never-ending, bloody war of attrition being waged at each of the tumor battle sites between cancer cells, radioactive cells, Opdivo, and healthy cells. The hemorrhaging blood is a byproduct of this nasty, multi-party, conflict taking place inside of my thick skull.

Since how I physically feel changes frequently (sometimes even intra-daily), the ebbing and flowing “war of attrition” metaphor could be the reason for the large swings. Right now, at the moment of writing this post, I’m feeling an elevated sense of “global wooziness“. It’s not like dizzy, it’s not lightheadedness, it’s somewhere in between. It’s not like drunk, it’s not like stoned, it’s somewhere in between. When I turn my head fast, it feels like there’s a time delay between the physical head turn and when my attention catches up to where my head gets finally positioned. They’re out of synch, lol.

Along with the global wooziness infiltrating my consciousness, there’s an increased level of ringing in my ears; and my feet and calves are so numb that I can feel them vibrating through my socks. The good thing is that the vibrations are masking the peripheral nerve pain in my feet that coexists with the numbness.

All or some of these side effects from the war of attrition going on in my head can subside or escalate at any time. Sustained physical activity that increases my heart rate, like walking or vigorous stretching, magnifies the symptoms at least temporarily. It is what it is and I’m dealing with it delightfully.

Happy thanksgiving. Gobble gobble!

Categories: Cancer

Instantaneously And Involuntarily

November 11, 2021 3 comments

Because of the nasty, mean, culture of the web (of which I fully admit to being a conscious contributor to), I think it’s stupid to do what I’m about to do. I’m going to expose my worst fear at the moment to the entire world. The one saving grace is that only about 2 people waste their time reading this gawd forsaken blawg.

For five years after being diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, I’ve totally stunned myself at how well I’ve been mentally handling the thought of the “Sword of Damocles” lurking above my head the entire time. I’ve been hugely successful at keeping that morbid thought at bay despite the Emperor’s relentless, 24 X 7, attempts to reinsert it into my thought stream. That fucker!

So, I’ll start off with my second worst fear:

It’s when either my oncologist (after one of my tri-monthly chest/abs/pelvis CT scans) or neurosurgeon (after one of my tri-monthly brain MRI scans) utters the word “progression“.

That would mean the Opdivo immunotherapy regimen that has successfully kept the Emperor Of All Maladies at bay all this time is starting to fail. Thus, another treatment, which will be my fourth line of attack against the beast, must be chosen.

And now, for my worst fear…. Drum roll please:

My worst fear is that after hearing the dreaded “P” word, I cede total victory to the Emperor. I instantaneously and involuntarily disengage from life, giving up all hope of moving forward and receding into a stationary shell of my former psychological self. No more infectious enthusiasm, no more attempts at witty jokes, no more provocative stances, no more maniacal Bitcoin advocacy, no more weed-ingesting party animal.

So that’s it, that’s the post. Have a nice day.

Categories: Cancer Tags: , ,

Phil And The Craptoverse

October 21, 2021 Leave a comment
Categories: bitcoin

Fiat WTF! Vs. Bitcoin W00t!

October 8, 2021 Leave a comment
Categories: bitcoin
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