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Sarcastic Epiphany
During a multi-technology product development project that I worked on in the past, a non-software engineer stated: “it’s all about the software“. When I heard this, I temporarily entered a dream world where the sky is pink. I thought: “this dude gets it – she’s had the epiphany“. A millisecond later, I exited my delusion and returned to the world where the sky is blue (this one?). That initial, self-serving thought was quickly replaced by: “she said that sarcastically“. D’oh!
Purpose And Maturity
The purpose of life is to fight maturity – Dick Werthimer
Being a quote lover, the above one-liner somehow keeps popping into my head. After reflecting upon why it auto-magically keeps manifesting within the consciousness that is “me“, I think I’ve figured out why. It’s because I don’t have to “fight” to stay immature. I’ve been blessed (cursed?) with an uncanny talent for remaining immature without having to expend any energy whatsoever. How do I know this? Because people tell me. D’oh!
What about you, what’s your story? Are you prim and proper at all times; a paragon of virtue and impeccable integrity; a shining example for the world to emulate? If so, then why – and doesn’t it sap the life out of you like Mr. Werthimer suggests?
Ego And Apathy
The other day, my teammates and I had a short e-discussion on how much ego we should each personally invest in our code base. On the one hand, “no ego” can lead to apathy and a crappy, untended, code base. On the other hand, too much ego can trigger too many confrontational ego-battles and lead to a crappy, colliding styles, code base. We decided that there’s some sweet spot in the middle, but we don’t know what the freak it is. D’oh!
Historically, my personal style has been investing “too much ego“; which manifests as both offensive and defensive behavior. Being a devilishly clever (but certainly not smart) bloke, I’ve spent way more time offending than defending – cuz offense is much more fun to the ego. On the bright side, I think I have been slooowly getting betting over time, but it doesn’t really matter what I think.
How about you? Are you too apathetic? Too ego-dominated? Do you care?
Performance Improvement
ASSume that within the vast lands of a self-described great kingdom, you’re the prince of the little fiefdom below. To keep you comfortably propped up on your throne, the DICforce in each of the 3 little green boxes, under the watchful eye of your enforcer (the faceless BM dude with the white name tag), performs 3 day-to-day functions critical to your, I mean your group’s, “success“. For simplicity, let’s call these functions F1, F2, and F3.
So, everything’s humming along until – BAM! – revenues start declining and costs start rising. D’oh! and WTF? After spending some time down in the puke green boxes and thoroughly observing/investigating/analyzing/evaluating the state of your state, you declare that the performance of the “F2” function is gumming up your well-oiled machine. In your wisdom, you address your minions and boldly proclaim: “F2 Sux!“.
Uh, what change do you decide to make to “improve performance“? One option is to bring in some external “F2 gurus” to train your underperforming F2 DICsters. Another option is to fire your current F2 DICs and permanently hire new, expert, F2 DICs.
After mulling these options over, it hits you like an insight from Gawd…. you’ll hire one expert F2 enforcer dude, give him/her an ego-stroking overhead staff, and move your existing F2 DICsters into his/her newly born sub-fiefdom. So, you implement your brilliant idea and end up with this new borg:
So, besides further fragmenting your borg, increasing your overhead cost structure, pissing off your existing loyal enforcer, and having the same DICsters still supposedly screwing up the F2 function, what else can you pat yourself on the back for?
A Steady Drumbeat
In the context of getting a message to sink in, a wise and dear friend once told me: “it’s not a cymbal crash, it’s a steady drumbeat“. The reason this quote came to mind is because my blog dashboard says that I’ve published 607 posts to date and I was wondering how many of them were redundant – repeating the same message over and over again.
I have no freakin’ idea how many published posts seem redundant to you, but if they do, I’ll use that musical quote as the excuse for my narrow minded focus and lack of breadth. Plus, repetition is a powerful tool for brainwashing others into doing what you want them to do. Moooo Hah Hah!
Out Of Body, Head, And Mind
I’ve heard and read about people who’ve supposedly undergone “out of body” experiences. Hell, I haven’t even had an “out of head” experience, let alone a body-vacating one. Now, “out of mind” experiences are a different story. Those are where you remain in your head (so you’re still in your body) but not in your mind. In your body, in your head, out of your mind. Yepp, I’ve experienced several of those. As a matter of fact, I think I’ve been out of my mind ever since I started writing this stupid blog. Agree?
How about you? Which “out of” experiences have you had?
Buzz Me, Please
Check out this graphic that I borrowed from “LinkedIn Reveals the 10 Most Overused Job-Hunter Buzzwords“.
Oh crap! Do I use any of these hoytee-toytee terms in my own dishonest LI profile? Wait…. checking….. checking…. Nope! Phew, I thought I might have opened a gaping hole in my armor that would have exposed me as the true hypocrite that I am.
Here’s some advice for recruiters and hiring managers to consider. If you use any of these words-du-jour in your own profile, replace them with something authentic. Then, discard any candidates you stumble upon that use them in their profiles and resumes.
Note1: Being the lazy and useless sod that I am, I didn’t actually check my profile for bozo buzzword usage. So, if you find any of these laughers in there, call me out.
Note2: On my final proofread of this post prior to publication, I actually did search my profile for bozo buzzword usage and….. D’oh! I had actually started my summary off with “I have extensive experience..”. Bummer. Of course, I covered my tracks by changing the opening to “Over the years, I’ve acquired lots of experience…”.
Peer Relationships
As you move up into the Bozone layers in a DYSCO, in addition to honing your Kiss-Up-Kick-Down skills, your horizontal relationships with your peers mysteriously start to change…..
Of course, the diagram is totally wrong and it lacks credible scientific evidence to back it up, no? Hey, what do you expect from a L’artiste?
Temporary Reprieve
Since I‘m an egomaniac and I often feel guilty about being one, I bash the “I, ME, MY” thought source all the time. However, since eliminating absolute black and white binary thinking is a major blow to my ego, I feel compelled to give credit where credit is due.
Being too lazy to concoct my own tribute to the ego’s sunny side, I’ll steal and regurgitate Steve Taylor‘s eloquent words to pay homage to “me“:
So there. Now that I‘ve said nice things about the “enemy“, the temporary reprieve is over and it’s time to get back to ego bashing. Stay tuned for more hipocritical ego bashing in the future.
Ripple Effect
During a peek-a-boo visit many years ago, it was revealed to me that everything a person does has a ripple effect:
What type of encoded signals modulate your ripples?
Why am I here?
WTF?
Meh!
D'oh!
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