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Posts Tagged ‘CSM’

Deal Of The Year

Hot off the presses, I just received a Groupon offer to take a $99 online Scrum Master certification course. Holy crap! Instead of paying $2000 and taking 3 consecutive days off from work, I can learn how to become a micro-managing process enforcer from the comfort of my own home; munching on chips while lounging around in my skivvies.

Online CSM

How can I refuse such a great deal? Just look at all those smart, well-dressed, professional, micro-managers in the advertisement staring at a burndown chart. It’s an especially nice touch that the marketing team put a pair of eyeglasses in Katherine Heigl’s hand.

From the course description:

CSMs understand Scrum values, practices, and applications and provide a level of knowledge and expertise above and beyond that of typical project managers.

If you’re a “typical project manager“, your days are numbered. The sky is falling and all that uncool PMI and EVM training you suffered through is sooooo yesterday.

course advisor

Categories: management Tags: , ,

The Supreme Scrum Master

January 1, 2015 2 comments

Even though I mildly resisted the urge to do so, I capitulated and posted this doubly disrespectful blasphemy:

Could not resist

Awe, come on. Drop the who-pooped-in-my-soup face, relax your sphincter, smile for an instant, and simply go with it. If the hermit kingdom’s supreme leader invested a little money ($2k) and time (3 fun-filled days) to add the coveted title of Certified Scrum Master to his already impressive cache of expert credentials, you’d definitely want him to be your Scrum Master.

But wait! Make sure you don’t ask Mr. Un what agile methods he uses to magically remove the obstacles and impediments to your success.

Four Days And $2000

April 30, 2014 Leave a comment

I get e-mails like this all the time:

Certifiable

In four fun-filled days, and for a measly $2000, you too can become a full fledged, CERTIFIED Scrum Master AND Scrum Product Owner. That’s all it takes to catapult you to the top of the software development world. W00t!

Why spend weeks or months struggling to learn a new language, API, framework, technology, or tool when you can nail this trifecta: leapfrog over your programmer peers, break into the highly coveted guild of management, and prefix a big fat “C” to your title? Quick, quick, jump on the bandwagon before it’s too late. Don’t get left behind!

CSMCSPO

 

 

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