Archive
Profanity Plus Pot
BD00 heartily endorses the “Profanity Plus Pot” approach to managing stage 4 cancer. The tactic is necessary, but sadly insufficient. To close the sufficiency loophole, we have to come back down to earth, bite the bullet, and engage with the world of surgery, chemo, and immunotherapy.
Shooting For The Max!
Here is a current snapshot of my health care costs year-to-date.
I’ll be shortly surpassing my $3000/year maximum out of pocket cost for the third year in a row. Whoo hoo!
Oh, and that goes with the $675/month premium I have to pay for individual health insurance under COBRA. That’s $11,100 per year in medical expenses alone.
At least I don’t have any student debt, a mortgage, a car loan, or any kids in day care. What a country.
Skirting The Zombie Threshold
I used the following dorky pic in at least one post so far. My instinct tells me I’ll be using it as a “context enabler” for (hopefully) many future cancer posts…
Since I’m a newly minted medical marijuana program patient in the great state of NY, I’ve been trying to find just the right dosage of cannabis for me to effectively handle those pesky “pop up” peripheral neuropathy hot pain flashes, constant numbness in my lower extremities, and newly-acquired anxiety flare-ups. The trick is to handle those wonderful cancer complications while simultaneously remaining consciously functional on a deterministic basis.
Of course, since I was, ummmm, a moderate cannabis user when I was younger, I preferred to err on the side of over-medication. My motto back then was to gradually increase the dosage until I started: “Skirting The Zombie Threshold!“.
The pics below show examples of successful and unsuccessful dosing regimens. In the top pic, the transition from “pain” to “zombie” is quick and effective. The result is that the pain is kicked out of mind and the user lives happily in the present moment. She’s skirting the zombie threshold. Whoo Hoo!
The self-dosing attempt in the lower pic is an example of an abysmal failure. Since the zombie threshold is woefully unattained throughout the duration, thoughts of pain seize the day by holding the mind hostage to their incessant need for unfettered attention. I hate when that happens 😦
Actually, “Skirting The Zombie Threshold!” was never my motto. I just made that shite up on the fly because Eckhart Tolle told me to, and….. I’m the mighty BD00..
A Simple Reboot
Uh oh, Burnadette Radner went down yesterday. All radiation treatments were cancelled for the day. Of course, the rad team said the cause of failure was a “software bug“. I told them I’d review the code in exchange for a copay if they needed help 🙂
This morning, I asked if the “bug” was fixed. They said they rebooted Burnadette and tested the system, end-to-end, like they do every morning. Uh, Ok. I’m just glad I wasn’t the first patient today.
Burnadette Radner
Meet my newest friend, Burnadette Radner:
Burnadette is an engineering marvel and she’s helping me scorch cancer cells like Tony Montana scorched his enemies.
X Marks The Spot
And on the second day, he said-eth unto me: “Let there be more radiation!” And I said-eth in return: “Those markings don’t look too accurate, and the one on my stomach makes me look fat!”
A Nice Surprise
I just received the insurance claim for my 5 hour stint in the emergency room two weeks ago. Since I had a CT scan and an MRI taken during my stay, I was expecting something in the range of $10k. Lo and behold, the bill was less than $5k.
At The Office
Just another day at the office.
It’s impossible to get the band off without using a scissors.
A Full Schedule
This morning, I popped out of bed and loaded up my berry-lish-iss “CT contrast drink” and my cheater’s parking card. I was then whisked away for my “coordinate mapping” CT scan.
When all was said and done, I left the cancer center with a boatload of new, exciting appointments and impending copays.
In anticipation of the upcoming radiation-fest, I baked my first batch of brownies EVER yesterday. Until now, I never had the desire to bake anything before in my life.
For some strange reason, my house still reeks today. I hope the rest of your summer is as fun as mine…..
Nice Blue Tats!
Ok, ok. Get your mind out of the gutter, damn it! The last word in the title of this post has the letter “a” in it, not “i“.
Now that you are (unlike I am) thinking clearly again, we can move forward.
I met with my radiologist yesterday to discuss the plan for radiating the two moderately growing cancer lymph nodes in my body. Thank god it didn’t turn into a “Ground Hog” replay at the office. After discussing and consenting to the plan, I cut a clean getaway out of the facility without being carted off in an ambulance to the ER like last week.
According to the plan, I will undergo a “coordinate mapping” CT scan on Monday to precisely annotate where the radiation beams will soon be focused to obliterate the DNA of the emperor’s two, advancing orcs. During the process, the radiology team will imprint a series of small, blue, millimeter-sized, permanent, “tats“ in the appropriate locations to ensure total annihilation.
After being prepped, each of the emperor’s two disgusting orcs will be zapped once a day for 10 consecutive working days (a “real” two week scrum sprint!). The good thing about the plan is that I don’t have to suspend my Opdivo immunotherapy infusions while undergoing the radiation treatments.
I do not yet know the exact day of the initial radioactive assault, but I do know that another CT scan will then be performed a month after the last day to determine the effectiveness of the treatment. Until then, it’s time to chillax a little with some, um, “essential” oil therapy…
Why am I here?
WTF?
Meh!
D'oh!
My BTC Address
Bulldozer00's Blog 