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Zapped By Xapo

The very first Bitcoin book I read in 2015 when I discovered and started grokking Bitcoin was Nathaniel Popper’s prophetic “Digital Gold. One of the heroes in the riveting read is wealthy Argentinian entrepreneur Wences Casares. Wences is the CEO of Xapo Inc, a Bitcoin wallet startup. Xapo is believed to hold as much as $10 billion of Bitcoin in underground vaults on five continents, including a former Swiss military bunker.

Since Argentina’s government was/is quite corrupt and poorly managed, Wences’ family lost all their savings not once, not twice, but three freakin’ times due to the hyperinflation-driven collapse of Argentina’s fiat currency, the shitzo, uh, I mean the peso.

While reading the book, I went to Xapo’s web site and created an account to further develop my understanding of the emerging “Bitcoin ponzi scheme“. During account signup, I was awarded 100 microbits (aka 1000 sats) as a signing bonus. After I learned that the only way to buy Bitcoin via Xapo at the time was by international wire transfer, I said fuck it, no way I’m gonna jump through hoops to get some bitcoin.

So here we are 5 years later and I get the following letter from Xapo…

LOL! Big brother is always quietly surveilling its citizenry in the background searching for new ways to confiscate its wealth in the name of “we’re only here to help you“. With my deteriorating mental and physical health, I am now in fear of being transformed into a paranoid, batshit crazy, dumbass, conspiracy-believing, Qwacko. If I rebrand myself as BDQQ, then you’ll know the rebirth is complete. If so, please help!!!!

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