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Billy Rubin Is Too High

Nurse: Billy Rubin is too high.

Me: Who is Billy Rubin, and what’s he or she smokin’?

How about you? Do you know who Billy Rubin is? I do now, uh, sort of, but I spelled Billy’s name incorrectly, and Billy is not a person.

Since we now know something about Bili, here are the most recent measurements of Bili’s presence in my tiger’s blood:

What does it mean when Bili Rubin is too high? It means something may be causing distress in one’s liver.

“Your liver takes the bilirubin from your blood and changes its chemical make-up so that most of it is passed through your poop as bile. If your bilirubin levels are higher than normal, it’s a sign that either your red blood cells are breaking down at an unusual rate or that your liver isn’t breaking down waste properly and clearing the bilirubin from your blood.” – WebMD.com

Statin drugs commonly used to lower cholesterol have been found to sometimes cause Bili Rubin to get too high. But when the emperor and powerful drugs like Opdivo battling the ferocious bastid’ are added to the mix, everything gets all FUBARRED. Trying to determine cause, and take action, becomes a CLUSTERF. It could be the statin, the Opdivo, or the emperor metastasizing again, or an emergent property of the diseased system. Such suspense!

I’m so excited. I can’t wait to see how high Bili Rubin is after my next doctor visit. During the interim, I was directed to inspect the colors of my peepee and poopee (hee hee)!

Categories: Cancer Tags:
  1. August 4, 2018 at 10:10 am

    Are you Dr. Lecter?

  2. August 4, 2018 at 3:07 pm

    Are you using gas chromatography to determine color? Or are you using the paint strips from Lowe’s or Home Despot?

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