Why?
“Why are you behaving this way”? I’ve been asked that question quite frequently – mostly by a person higher up in a chain of authority with an approved title. My stock answer has always been something to the effect: “to expose errors, ambiguity, and mistakes so that they can be corrected and the whole can grow, develop, and temporarily arrest the growth in entropy that eventually destroys all closed systems“. Even though that response has often stunned the questioner into a frozen silence, it’s never been enough to counter the pre-conceived opinion they have formed: “I’m a bad person who doesn’t care about the feelings of others“. Bummer.
Most of the time, I’m fully prepared for the external “asshole judgment” and it bounces right off of me. At other times, and thank god (little “g” in “god” on purpose) it doesn’t happen that often, it pierces my heart and triggers a massive case of angst and discomfort. It sux to be human, no?
How about U? Do U ever get asked asked about your deviant behavior from the norm by those that are charged with judging U because of the inherent design of CCH bureaucracies? If not, why not? Is it because U are a saint who gets along with all souls? Is it because you suppress your individuality in order to conform to what is expected of good little children? What’s your story?
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Why am I here?
WTF?
Meh!
D'oh!
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I must admit many times I have gone along with the crowd. It is really difficult being a person that is out front. When started my working career and we had unit meetings it was always the mature employees asking the tough questions, or better yet the questions based on maturity. Now I am them and sometimes I am the only one asking “mature” or better “knowledge based” questions. After a while of doing that you say if nobody else cares why should I.
The power of peer pressure to force conformance is huge. The power of authority pressure is even huger. In either case, it’s almost like you can’t win. If you “cave” and follow the herd, you torture yourself internally. If you veer off the trail to explore, discover and communicate, you’re tortured externally.