Bulldozer00's Blog

Maybe I shouldn’t, but I quantize respect into two simple categories: human and professional. I respect every person who walks the face of the earth as a human being. We’re all just trying to do our best to find our path through life.

Professional respect is another story. Unlike human respect, I don’t auto-give it to anyone because I think it must be earned. I’m really turned off by people who think they are entitled to respect because they’ve been granted a title by someone with a bigger and more grandiose title. Historically, titles have been predominantly used to create the illusion that “I’m better than you”. Thus, they’re a huge turnoff for me.

Until you prove yourself worthy of some “lofty” title by helping people to grow and succeed, you’re not worthy of professional respect from me. I’ve developed this titular attitude after having experienced lots of “professionally unrespectful” people cross my path over the years.

Over the years, I’ve progressively transitioned between these stances on meditation: 1) It’s a waste of time, 2) It may have merit, 3) It DOES have merit, 4) It’s too frustratingly hard for me.

During the leap from state 3) to 4), I gave meditation a half-assed try. I read a bunch of material on the topic. Most of it recommended meditating for as long as you can – up to 12 hours a day (WTF!!!). Much of it also said that it can take years to get really proficient at it.

Over the past few months, I’ve tried to meditate every night just before going to sleep even though the literature says not to meditate if you’re sleepy (I told you I was trying it half-assed). I use my breath as the meditation object. It just doesn’t work for me. As soon as I focus my concentration on my breath, within a microsecond a thought invades and I’m off to the races with it for a few seconds. I attach to it, and follow it fully along with the numerous child thoughts that it spawns. Then, for a reason that I don’t understand, I “suddenly” realize that I’ve been hoodwinked by my thought-obssessed ego again and I try to refocus on my breath. Sure enough, within a picoseond another thought zooms in and I repeat the cycle. Frustration reigns.

All the literature that I’ve read says to be patient and gentle with yourself and don’t get discouraged when you find yourself being drawn into thoughts that instantaneously arise during meditation. Easier said than done.

Ego battles are the psychological equivalent of physical altercations. While we might not often experience physical altercations, most of us participate in ego battles on a daily basis. Unconscious, arrogant and/or smug people are constantly battling with others to show them “who’s right”. The so-called winner may feel better at the expense of the loser(s), but it’s only a temporary high. I know this to be true because I unconsciously don my armor every morning.

When walking through the cubicle farm, it’s interesting to notice that people who are trying to learn something new often have the technical book that they’re reading “turned over” on their desk. It’s almost as if they’re embarrassed to let others know that they’re reading it. Heaven forbid if it’s a “Head First” or “Dummies” book.

Does this just happen where I work, or does this happen elsewhere?

There are around 6+ billion people on earth and it seems like everybody and their brother has a blog. Well, now I have one too. Whoopditty doo.

It’ll be strange talking to myself .

Hellooooooo!!! Is there anybody out there?