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Defense Mechanism
As I’ve written before, I love the Vital Smarts guys. In “Confronting Workplace Sarcasm“, Kerry Patterson writes:
I—like most of my close friends—developed keen skills in the use of sarcasm and irony. It was a huge part of my identity. Then, one day, after my wife stumbled awkwardly and I retorted, “Smooth move, did you enjoy the trip?” she responded: “You know what? If you never again use sarcasm—until the day I die—that would be just fine with me. I don’t like it, the kids don’t like it, and there’s no place for it in our home.”
That incident caused Mr. Patterson to pause and reflect on his recurring, habitual behavior. It led to an epiphany and change in behavior:
I learned that it’s actually quite difficult to defend your right to take cheap shots, dole out insults, and cut people down—all in the name of humor. Trust me. You never want to be the defense attorney when sarcasm goes to court. So, maybe I needed to reconsider my stance. Perhaps, getting a laugh at the expense of a coworker, colleague, friend, or loved one isn’t nearly as endearing as I had once thought it was. And so, I said goodbye to that part of me and my wife has been ever grateful.
Hmmm. Without going into details, the above paragraph makes me feel guilty. Thus, as an ego defense mechanism to ease the pain, I’m feelin’ the need to be skeptical that Kerry has actually kicked the habit .
How about you? Do you sense a feeling of guilt and the associated ego-need to rationalize it away? Nah. No way, right?
High And Low Tides
I’m lucky to have a job with variety. Most of the time, I’m either specifying, designing, writing, documenting, or fixing software that enhances or keeps our product portfolio viable. However, not all project work is equi-important to the company’s prosperity.
Some of the projects that I work on are bland, menial, and they don’t contribute much to the development of my company. When I work on these types of projects, I tend to feel guilty, overpaid, and like an under-performer. Accordingly, my behavior changes to align with those feelings. I turn inward, I’ m less interactive with others, and I’m less likely to observe, sense, and provide “controversial” input on socio-technical issues that I perceive to be holding the company back.
On the other side of the coin, when I work on challenging and intense work that I perceive is propelling the company forward, I gravitate towards ego-centric feelings of arrogance and superiority. I feel underpaid, under-appreciated, and overworked (boo hoo!). I become a “legend in my own mind“.
In either mode of behavior, it’s real easy to lose perspective and alienate co-workers and leaders. The key to balanced behavior during these high and low tides, which I haven’t yet figured out how to turn, is to recognize when I’m deep into one mode or the other.
How about you? Do you oscillate between extremes? Do you continuously dwell in one of the extreme states? Are you always Buddha-centered? If so, how do you know you are?
Why am I here?
WTF?
Meh!
D'oh!
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