Bulldozer00's Blog

Since I’m retired and my 10th lung cancer anniversary is next month (I can’t believe how fucking lucky I am!), I don’t have to worry about “reputation”. I feel FREE.

So, with that advance warning, let me tell you about my funny “fart detector” story. If you don’t think it’s funny then I ban you from reading this blog forever more. If you think it’s weird and gross, then I love you, especially if you’re older than 5.

While browsing through apps for Christmas looking for schitt to buy, I came across a CO2 detector. It was cheap and I already had a CO detector, so hey, I bought one as a complimentary device for my gadget collection.

I plugged it in near my bed on the window sill and thought that was it, finito, just another gadget. But it wasn’t. Some time later, out of nowhere: the meter tripled in value from 500 to 1700 ppm, the status light slider mysteriously moved from green to red, and the dang thing started beeping. I thought it was a false alarm or defective device… but it wasn’t. It went off again a short time later, and then again. WTF?

In a flash of insight magically manifested in my surgically repaired brain, I correctly deduced that it went off a few seconds after a poopy puff of air wafted its way into the sensor. It perfectly correlated with my, you know, my gas generator down there. It’s been detecting the gas expulsions faithfully for weeks now and I laugh every time it does (I bet you would too, no?). As a TMI side note, since being on steroids for weeks now to quell a lung inflammation side effect from my immunotherapy treatments, I’m farting more.

The cool thing about this post is that I’m writing it from my dentist’s chair on my phone waiting for him to chop some of my tongue out like a midevial torturer. But all is still well in my world since I’m still alive and healthy. How about yours?